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MADONNA - I Wanna Boogie-Woogie

MADONNA (1983)
Minnie Mouse on helium. That's what they said. And to be honest it does feel a bit shrill over a whole album. But never mind the pitch, feel the pop perfection. You can't beat 'Borderline', 'Lucky Star' or 'Holiday' for feelgood vibes. And this is the invention of the Pop Princess. Kylie, Beyoncé and Rihanna have a lot to thank this album for. While there is a clear element of image production and manipulation in the early incarnation of Madonna, you never felt that she wasn't fully in control of it all. She was the embodiment of the modern concept of feminism when most of us thought it was about bra-burning and wearing dungarees. She made it about bra-exposing and wearing skirts with lacy leggings. Musically it tends toward the beepy and tinny and some of it is very repetitive. The closing 'Everybody' would try the patience of a saint.  Looking good on the album cover too.

Lucky Star
Borderline
Burning Up
I Know It
Holiday
Physical Attraction
Think Of Me
Everybody

LIKE A VIRGIN (1984)
This odyssey will probably involve quite a lot of commentary on Madge's videos, which, in the early days are fairly iconic. The opening track on Like A Virgin is her manifesto-setting 'Material Girl', which launched a thousand tabloid stories where the lazy journalist could just refer to her as "The Material Girl". Listening to it carefully, whilst it's undoubtedly a great pop classic, the vocals are strangely clipped and robotic. Both Madonna and the male backing are quite mechanical. Those little gaspy hiccups are undoubtedly sexy though. The video, like so many at the time has a 'story' surrounding it, where some big noise in the film industry is trying to court her with expensive gifts. She gives Marilyn a run for her money in the 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' pastiche and looks fantastic in that pink dress. The second track 'Angel' is more organic. Do you subscribe to the Tarantino theory of what 'Like A Virgin' is about? (Warning- Don't watch if easily offended or likely to take Our Quentin even remotely seriously). At the time the song felt controversial anyway, but now it seems to have lost whatever depth we might have been seeing and actually just seems like a sweet and innocent sentiment. The video pitch was obviously "Venice. Wedding Dress. Lion.". One can only presume that the gondolier was doing his tiny little pieces at her cavorting in the prow. 'Over And Over' sounds like it was dashed off after lunch. Fast, breathless and repetitive. IN fact the filler between the hits is very humdrum indeed. See also 'Stay' and 'Pretender' Her cover of Rose Royce's 'Love Don't Live Here Anymore' was quite unexpected for me. Not as good as the original, but probably better than Jimmy Nail's. 'Dress You Up' comes in like New Order's 'True Faith' before turning into a high energy disco number in the style of 'Maniac' from Flashdance. It takes some brass neck to even contemplate putting a song called 'Shoo-Bee-Doo', and even more to make it slow-paced and relatively contemplative. The song does run out of ideas at the end and descends into repetition of the title.'Into The Groove' belongs with this album, but was a hit off 'Desperately Seeking Susan', which I've never seen, but received wisdom at the time seemed to be that she was quite good in it, possibly because she simply played herself. Her first number 1 in the UK. I always liked that seductive little "I'm waiting..." in the intro. The cover speaks for itself.

Material Girl
Angel
Like A Virgin
Over And Over
Love Don't Live Here Any More
Dress You Up
Shoo Bee Doo
Pretender
Stay

TRUE BLUE (1986)
The voice is roughening up a little and she starts off with the fairly hard-hitting 'Papa Don't Preach'. Songs about teen pregnancies are not an obvious choice for a globe-dominating artist, although it does fit Madonna's profile reasonably well. In the video she has acquired an urchin-cut and a French onion-seller's shirt. The dirty rat who has knocked her up looks like a cut-price, grease smeared Orlando Bloom and the titular 'Papa' is a Noo Yoik Italian stereotype with pot belly and singlet; last seen squealing on Tony Soprano to the fibbies. It's intercut with Madge strutting about, thrusting out her boobs and looking about as un-up-the-duff as you can get. Obviously Pops embraces our wayward heroine at the end. I'd pretty much forgotten the video for  'Open Your Heart' where Madge cavorts in a peep show before running off with the small boy who's been trying to get in. Her outfit in the booth is a kind of weaponized one-piece basque affair with the first outing for the trademark pointy nips. The boy is NOT a young Leonardo Di Caprio, although you could have fooled me. The odd thing is that the song doesn't really reflect the images, it's more like she just hung the video she wanted to do on the next single. The filler is sparse on this one, but 'White Heat' counts. I assumed that the Cagney dialogue at the start and halfway through came from 'Angels With Dirty Faces', but it's much simpler than that, it's from, you guessed it, 'White Heat'. It's the only aspect that is interesting about a repetitive song. 'Live To Tell' is a touch too contained for me, like she's trying too hard to be controlled and serious. 'Where's The Party' is a horrible raucous chant. But, as Tarantino correctly asserts, 'True Blue' is a genuine sweet love song with a pretty cheesy video to match. I think my favourite on this is 'La Isla Bonita' although the misheard lyric "Young girl with eyes like potatoes" distracts me every time. Not worth looking at the video. Madonna flouncing about in a flamenco dress with a Spanish guitarist with girly hair. It fizzles out at the end. 'Jimmy Jimmy' and 'Love Makes The World Go Round' are nothing to write home about. There is enough quality to render it a great album by any standard though and she still takes a good photo.

Papa Don't Preach
Open Your Heart
White Heat
Live To Tell
Where's The Party
True Blue
La Isla Bonita
Jimmy Jimmy
Love Makes The World Go Round


LIKE A PRAYER (1989)
Some friendly advice if you are an expectant father and are faced with the task of naming your new female offspring. Be aware that calling her 'Madonna' might lead to Catholic guilt and some daddy issues. If you are really unlucky she might become a global megastar and start airing them as part of her art. Old man Ciccone must be kicking himself. The  video for 'Like A Prayer' is ram-packed with as much symbolism as she can think of. The coming to life of the black Jesus is rather creepy and I'm sure the Daily Mail got into quite a state at the time about the blasphemous nature of it all. There's stigmata, burning crosses, racially motivated false assault accusations and a gospel choir. The allegory of releasing the prisoner at the end is a bit clunky, but the song is about as good as any she's ever done, leaving aside the unnecessary rock guitar riff at the start. 'Oh Father' takes a more personal stance and seems more accusatory of her Dad than Wikipedia would lead you to believe that he deserves. Elsewhere things are much lighter, 'Cherish' and 'Dear Jessie' are brilliant sugary sweet pop. Madonna in a soggy shirt-dress in the merman video for the former probably played an important part in the life of young teenage boys in 1989, if you get my drift. On the downside there is the godawful closing 'Act Of Contrition'. A horrible mish-mash of guitar riffs stolen from the start of 'When Doves Cry' and back-masked speech ending with Madge getting ratty about something or other not being in the computer. I guess you could characterise, Like A Virgin, True Blue and Like A Prayer as a kind of trilogy. They mark Madonna at her commercial and controversial peak. Next up is Erotica, where I fear she might start trying a little too hard.

Like A Prayer
Express Yourself
Love Song
Till Death Do Us Part
Promise To Try
Cherish
Dear Jessie
Oh Father
Keep It Together
Spanish Eyes
Act Of Contrition

I'M BREATHLESS (1990)
Postponing Erotica. I wouldn't normally do soundtrack albums and I missed out Who's That Girl', but consistency is an overrated trait, this has some interesting stuff on it and Dick Tracy seems to be something of a forgotten film. Madonna was carrying on with Warren Beatty at the time and the movie had a high concept air about it. The colour palette was supposed to be based on about 3 or 4 primary colours to make it look more like a comic book. In the event it probably suffered from not being as inventive or fun as it's predecessor 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit', which has some similarities. Most of the material on here is cod-thirties torch singing in line with Madge's nightclub singer character or stuff that wouldn't be out of place in Bugsy Malone, but there is a Carmen Miranda samba in 'I'm Going Bananas'. What should we make of 'Hanky Panky'? I'm sticking with female empowerment. It's from her perspective and I'm sure she could take care of herself. The worst thing about it is resorting to "nothing like a good spanky" just to get it to rhyme. 'Vogue' is on here too. The dance style obviously ticked a lot of boxes for Madge, gay nightclubs, fashion, dancing, young men with good cheekbones and the golden age of Hollywood and matinee idols, but she attacks it with too much evangelism for me. Her urging us to "Come on. Vogue! Let your body move to the music" makes it seem like she's desperate for all of us to get on board with what she sees as the latest dance craze. The video lets her start indulging in her over-engineered underwear phase too. 'Now I'm Following You' comes in two parts. The first is a fairly straightforward Ink Spots jazz rendition duetting with smooth sounding Beatty, before someone gets a sequencer to it for the second part and they play around with the name 'Dick'. One final note of interest, the male voice on 'What Can You Lose' is Mandy Patinkin, that's perma-exasperated CIA chief Saul Berenson from Homeland and the vengeful Inigo Montoya of the Princess Bride to you.

He's A Man
Sooner Or Later
Hanky Panky
I'm Going Bananas
Cry Baby
Something To Remember
Back In Business
More
What Can You Lose
Now I'm Following You (Part 1)
Now I'm Following You (Part 2)
Vogue

EROTICA (1992)
The Queen of the the misheard lyric strikes again "Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body". The imagery of a small, grumpy, hairy birdwatcher molesting the world's foremost shockstress is hard to shake off once it takes root in your head. By now it seems Madonna is on a mission to outrage. I'm pretty certain this was contemporary with her SEX coffee-table book which may have been a metaphor in itself given the anticlimax of it's eventual release. It was all wrapped up in cellophane wasn't it? So you had to buy it if you wanted to look at the naughty pictures. And it probably cost a fortune for the time. Everything is rather detached on this album and therefore quite clinical and soulless. And making Peggy Lee's 'Fever' c. and s. takes some doing. Maybe that's the point. Fame had sucked all the enthusiasm out of her and she just resorted to drum loops and a spaced out delivery. It's not all cold calculation. 'Deeper And Deeper' has a Pet Shop Boys feel to it and shows some genius in borrowing from both The Sound Of Music and her own 'Vogue'. She gets very fnarrsome on 'Where Life Begins'. "Dining in and eating out; I guess that's what this song's about", "Colonel Sanders says it best; Finger lickin' good", "I'm glad you brought your raincoat; I think it's beginning to rain". Yes alright dear, we get the picture.'Did You Do It' is a misplaced rap which doesn't really feature herself. It finishes with 'Secret Garden', which seems to be about Madonna's well-trimmed shrubbery.

Erotica
Fever
Bye Bye Baby
Deeper And Deeper
Where Life Begins
Bad Girl
Waiting
Thief Of Hearts
Words
Rain
Why It's So Hard
In This Life
Did You Do It
Secret Garden

BEDTIME STORIES (1994)
I really quite like this, but it's pretty much a Janet Jackson album. Lots of smooth soul grooves, probably New Jack (or Jill) Swing, but I'm not boned up enough on my soul genres to be confident. Her voice is in good nick on this album. There's a warmth and depth which is new. 'Human Nature' should probably be called 'Express Yourself' but she'd already used that title and imagine the headaches in Wikipedia's disambiguation department of she'd gone with it again. Having listened to it a few times I'm reminded of Adam and Joe's seminal song-wars entry 'Doctor Sexy' which actually sampled from a Dave Matthews album based on the book Dune by Frank Herbert (strange but true). I won't include the YouTube clip but try a search for 'Joe Cornish Doctor Sexy' for a two minute giggle.  I never really liked the way she sang "And I'm not sah-rry". I was going to moan about the "saw-ftly" pronunciation on Like A Prayer too but then I forgot. And I like the cheeky "Oops. I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex" bits. Actually in general the lyrics are quite banal. 'I'd Rather Be Your Lover' is particularly trite. However while on 'Don't Stop', the line "Feel it in your bah-dy; Sing La-di-dah-di" looks bad on paper, it's actually quite charming. Well I think so anyway. She's only a hair's breadth away from "hey-nonny-nonny" after all. Things get a little too trancey on 'Bedtime Story', but she was probably ahead of her time with it. I think it's fair to say that when it comes to album artwork, Madonna doesn't stray from the beaten track. Only Like A Prayer so far has not prominently featured the Ciccone phizog, which is admittedly still rather lovely.

Survival
Secret
I'd Rather Be Your Lover
Don't Stop
Inside Of Me
Human Nature
Forbidden Love
Love Tried To Welcome Me
Sanctuary
Bedtime Story
Take A Bow

RAY OF LIGHT (1998)
Leaving aside Evita - maybe I'll do the Lloyd-Webber oeuvre one day - this is kind of contemporary to Bowie's Earthling, which was released about one year earlier. I draw the comparison because both seem to want to tap into the Drum n' Bass explosion, but whereas Bowie made it all a quite maddening and tedious, Madonna applies a lighter touch and fairly comprehensively outdoes him. I'm tempted to say that this is a pretty outstanding piece of work. Besides the D'n'B, she throws in some hi-NRG disco and a little new-agey loopy stuff. On the principle that you don't get a dog and then bark yourself, the employment of producer William Orbit is apparent for all to hear. The title track is extraordinary and her vocal performance would give St. Katherine Of The Sacred Bush a run for her money. You try singing it. I guarantee you won't be able to. The other stuff you'd know from this are the opening 'Drowned World/Substitute For Love', Frozen' and 'The Power Of Good-Bye'. All great, rich, thoughtful songs. And the closing 'Mer-Girl' is a masterpiece of delicate restraint.The Sanskrit-heavy Shanti/Ashtangi is a bit much though. Madge doesn't abandon her brand for the artwork, but she's let her hair down.

Drowned World/Substitute For Love
Swim
Ray Of Light
Candy Perfume Girl
Skin
Nothing Really Matters
Sky Fits Heaven
Shanti/Ashtangi
Frozen
The Power Of Goodbye
To Have And Not To Hold
Little Star
Mer Girl

MUSIC (2000)
Line dancing. Madonna decided that a revival of the Electric Slide and Red Hot Salsa was long overdue following the previous high point of Billy Ray Cyrus's 'Achy Breaky Heart'. And Steps just hadn't really caught the public imagination a couple of years earlier with '5,6,7,8'. OK. Maybe I'm being a little unfair, but she did wear a Stetson and showed off some boot-scootin' moves in the video for 'Don't Tell Me'. A deeply irritating song at the time because of those momentary silences, and, ironically now, it's even worse because they just seem like buffering issues. It's a shame because they actually spoil a perfectly good song. The autotune is to the fore. Madge doesn't need it, she has proved she can hold a tune, so you have to assume that it's there for artistic reasons. It's used effectively in places but it dates the sound and it's overdone on 'Nobody's Perfect' which has a nasty jarring edge. This has a French DJ producer and you can detect the same DNA as Daft Punk and Air, particularly on 'Paradise - Not For Me' (and not just because she goes a bit Gallic on the vocal). On the plus side 'I Deserve It' and 'Gone' are both nice country-tinged ballads and the title track is kind of compelling. Incidentally I was reminded that my elder son is lumbered with 'Music' as the UK number 1 on the day of his birth. (Mine is 'Massachusetts' by the Bee Gees). I have to abhor her version of 'American Pie' on principle. For me even the shortened version of Don McLean's original that they play on the radio is barely acceptable, so Madonna's edited effort is best simply ignored.

Music
Impressive Instant
Runaway Lover
I Deserve It
Amazing
Nobody's Perfect
Don't Tell Me
What It Feels Like For A Girl
Paradise (Not For Me)
Gone
American Pie

AMERICAN LIFE (2003)
Following on from previous comparisons to Bowie, I'd argue that Madonna is just as willing to reinvent and try something new with each album as he was. Having said that, this is at the weaker end of the spectrum. When Madonna fails it's when she doesn't make it seem effortless, and this is all a little strained. She hasn't abandoned the vocoder, especially on the title track. When she breaks from the electronica to strummed guitar and smooth vocal on that song it comes as a massive relief. Second song is 'Hollywood'. Or should that be 'Harleywood'? I really shouldn't get annoyed by the way people pronounce things, but there is something slightly affected about this one. I meant to point out "I wanna burgy wurgy" on 'Music' on the last album too. We also appear to find her bang slap in the middle of a religious crisis. "I'm not a Christian and I'm not a Jew", she sings on 'American Life'. "I'm not religious" on 'Nothing Fails', the chorus to X-Static Process is "Jesus Christ will you look at me; Don't know who I'm supposed to be; Don't really know if I should give a damn; When you're around, I don't know who I am" and finally on 'Mother And Father' she sings "There was a time that I prayed to Jesus Christ; There was a time I had a Mother, It was nice". Probably by now she was into her Kabbalah thing so maybe she's trying to explain it. The other main point of interest on this album is the presence of Bond theme 'Die Another Day'. The death knell for the Brosnan tenure. It's not just rubbish as a Bond theme, it's rubbish full stop. And she wasn't great in the movie which jumped the pool of sharks with laser beams on their heads with the introduction of an invisible car. Cover art is still herself, but perhaps with delusions of being a female Che Guevara.

American Life
Hollywood
I'm So Stupid
Love Profusion
Nobody Knows Me
Nothing Fails
Intervention
X-Static Process
Mother And Father
Die Another Day
Easy Ride

CONFESSIONS ON A DANCEFLOOR (2005)
Madonna discovers the power of a catchy looped sample and a thumping beat. All cards are laid on the table at the outset with 'Hung Up' where she takes the easy route of sampling from Abba's 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme' and therefore simply cannot go wrong. It is a masterpiece of modern dance-pop, although the video does seem to be an exercise in showing how freakishly fit she has managed to keep herself. Seems to have been at least partially filmed in South London too. That's the most likely location of clubs of that level of skankiness. I really do like the guys dancing in the Chinese takeaway. She involved the Pet Shop Boys on the other most recognizable track here 'Sorry' and you certainly hear something of them in it. I thought it was a straight sample, but maybe not. Elsewhere 'Future Lovers' is Moroderish and there's more Daft Punky flavours on 'Let It Will Be'. The only real change of pace is 'Isaac' which features the Yemenite Hebrew poem 'Im Nin Alu',which was also, incidentally, recorded back in the 80's when World music was taking hold by Ofra Haza and was featured on MARRS' 'Pump UP The Volume'. Clearly an out and out disco album and the packaging lives up to it

Hung Up
Get Together
Sorry
Future Lovers
I Love New York
Let It Will Be
Forbidden Love
Jump
How High
Isaac
Push
Like It Or Not

HARD CANDY (2008)
I can't say it's grabbed me although it does have its moments. The Timberlake/Timbaland collaboration '4 Minutes' is terrific, but then maybe that's due to a canny choice of who to go into partnership with. And is that a sample/rip off from The Jackson's 'Can You Feel it'? There's a lot of Pharrell on this too, so she still had an eye for the Next Big Thing in 2008. 'Miles Away' is good too but my tin ear for Madonna's pronunciation suggests she's just woken up from a 'buzzy' dream. Presumably lots of bee action as she does her nightly mental filing. Mainly though, it's quite bland and fairly repetitive. If you listen to 'She's Not Me' you've effectively heard a good half of the album.The cover art has something of her ludicrous coffee table book from all those years ago about it. Wikipedia claims that she originally wanted to appear as the Black Madonna 'but later felt the idea may be seen as controversial'. As a reason for Madge not doing something, this seems a weak premise.

Candy Shop
4 Minutes
Give It 2 Me
Heartbeat
Miles Away
She's Not Me
Incredible
Beat Goes On
Dance 2Night
Spanish Lesson
Devil Wouldn't Recognize You
Voices

MDNA (2012)
The play on MDMA (Ecstasy) is clever. But it would have been cleverer 20 years ago. Mind you, she wasn't doing Ibiza club music in 1992, whereas she's making a decent stab at it here. The story of the past 3 albums for me has been Madonna coasting around the dance music scene. There have been moments of genius ('Hung Up', '4 Minutes') but there's been an awful lot of bog standard (floor) filler too. The best bits of this are the flashes of her old 'True Blue' style bubblegum pop of 'Give Me All Your Luvin' (where I could manage without Nicki Minaj), 'Superstar' and 'B-Day Song', although the last is a little too twee. I also really like 'Falling Free', where she achieves a bell-like tonality in her voice that makes you think of the great English female folk rock singers like Maddy Prior. On the other hand, 'Gang Bang' lives up to it's unpleasant name by being rather, well, unpleasant. In fact there's a lot of unsavouriness here. However, Spotify very helpfully does tell us that 'I Fucked Up' is explicit. I know I risk coming across as a brainwashed drone of the patriarchy, but while the rest of us have moved on (I hope) with feminism and realised that she was hitting the nail on the head in her youth, she now seems rather desperate to be an outrageously over-assertive 'strong woman'. 'Masterpiece' is the only thing that I remember as a single. Her rather obvious opening lyrical gambit is: "If you were the Mona Lisa; You'd be hanging in The Louvre". I'm not quite sure if this is profound or banal. In the end I'll go for profoundly banal. Also, my capacity for mishearing her lyrics means that I can easily make the leap to replacing "Louvre" with "loo". Which is actually a far more intriguing idea. The first front door in the house where I grew up had ribbed glass like what Madge is hiding behind.

Girl Gone Wild
Gang Bang
I'm Addicted
Turn Up The Radio
Give Me All Your Luvin'
Some Girls
Superstar
I Don't Give A
I'm A Sinner
Love Spent
Masterpiece
Falling Free
Beautiful Killer
I Fucked Up
B-Day Song
Best Friend

REBEL HEART (2015)
The truth is that she's been off the boil since the turn of the millennium. Music was the last album I got any genuine enjoyment from. Her voice is at it's whiniest and my 16 year old son (that's the one born when 'Music' was number one, remember?) could tell that 'Devil Pray' was heavily based on The Animals' 'House Of The Rising Sun' (from 1964 if you don't mind). She has two songs which use the word 'bitch' in the title (one featuring the not-yet-shaken-off Nicki Minaj). I can only assume that this is some kind of female appropriation of the term along the lines of African American hip-hop artists using the N-word. But if it is, there's something about it that doesn't work and you just end up wishing she'd grow up and stop behaving badly just to try and get our attention. There's plenty more pungent language available elsewhere too, for no good reason. Other things to look out for: A song called 'Joan Of Arc' which leaves you craving Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark and a guest appearance by Mike Tyson on 'Iconic'. I think she still has it, and for all that we grieved in January when Bowie kicked the bucket, his post-1985 career was quite patchy too, so maybe she still has one or two great albums in her. At her best she deserves her place in the pop pantheon. Cover art: She's got into a right mess trying to sort out her old 'Club Med Classix' C60 mix tape. Poor Love.

Living For Love
Devil Pray
Ghosttown
Unapologetic Bitch
Illuminati
Bitch I'm Madonna
Hold Tight
Joan Of Arc
Iconic
HeartBreakCity
Body Shop
Holy Water
Inside Out
Wash All Over Me

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