From a series of e-mails to my book editor, kicking around ideas for my next crime novel:
To: Marc
From: Duane
Thanks for your notes on The Crackhead. I think it'll do even better than The Blonde. Who doesn't love crack — especially around the holidays?
Okay, so the next one. I'm thinking of going more realistic with this one. The working title: The Streets. Picture this: The mayor of the fifth largest city in America is dogged by accusations of pay-to-play shenanigans. The feds come down like a college sophomore on frat house date. We've got indictments. Wiretaps. Jail terms handed out like Pez from a Patrick Meehan dispenser. But somehow, the mayor stays clean — not even the tiniest microbe of mud hits the guy.
Then one day, the mayor's own brother ... the guy who helped him up through the political machine since their humble early days ... a simple hot dog salesman ... is nailed by the feds, too! For income tax evasion! On lucrative city contracts! And the kicker is, the mayor is actually clean, but nobody will believe him.
What do you think?
To: Duane
I like the city corruption angle, but what do you mean the mayor is clean? His administration sounds like it's dirtier than Britney Spears' passenger seat. No way people will believe that he's innocent.
Thought you said you were going for realism here?
To: Marc
What if I include this scene where the mayor goes before the city and says something like, "I don't believe any opportunity he got, he got because of his relationship with me. I think he got it because he earned it." A real tear-jerker scene, you know? Inspire the city, a la Billy Ray Valentine, etc.
To: Duane
Let me get this straight. The brother of the guy in charge of the city has all kinds of lucrative deals with the city, and the guy in charge of the city doesn't know about it?
To: Marc
Look, I know you're having trouble with this idea, so I went ahead and wrote a treatment of The Streets. (See attached file.) I think you'll see the potential after you take a look.
(Also: Did I mention that the mayor's brother also runs a successful tour company with giant vehicles that can drive on land and sea? Think about what Bruckheimer could do with that!)
To: Duane
Read your treatment. Interesting. Especially the epic land/sea battle between the duck boats. Torching the Ben Franklin Bridge may have been a bit much, but we can discuss that later.
But I still think The Streets has serious suspension of disbelief issues. You really think readers will swallow:
• The big concert scene, with Bono and Snoop Dogg, where the mayor's brother receives the minority contract to run the food carts, and the mayor says he didn't have anything to do with that?
• That the mayor's brother sells hot dogs and runs a fleet of giant amphibious vehicles?
• The scene where the brother shrugs his shoulders and says, "I am the worst record keeper in the history of modern man"? At least give the man a plausible alibi here.
• And your new soliloquy, where the mayor addresses the city and says: "My brother's business dealings are his own affair ... I can assure the people of this city that my brother has not received any unfair advantage from my administration"? Dude, c'mon. His last name is the same as the mayor's. Of course people are going to treat him differently, thinking they have an inroad to the mayor's office. Can your mayor acknowledge this? He's acting like he met his own brother on the subway one night.
Maybe it'd be best if you focused on Blonde 2: Die Job.
To: Marc
Yeah, I kind of see your point. I maintain readers in Philly would totally get it.
No worries, though. I've already started work on the next one. The working title: Nobody Ever Dies in Philadelphia.
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