FUCK OFF BUER

What a useless jerk!

AAAAAAHHHHH BUER! FUCK OFF YOU LION GOAT WHEEL NO ONE LIKES YOU!

Goddamn he's even uglier in GeGeGe

WILL YOU GO AWAY IF I MAKE A POST FOR YOU?! FINE HOLY SHIT!

BUER IS THE GREAT PRESIDENT OF HELL AND HE HAS A BIG HARD ON FOR SAGITTARIUS. SUPPOSEDLY IF YOU SUMMON HIM HE'S PRETTY GOOD AT BOTANY AND MEDICINE AND FAMILIARS AND ALL THAT HIPPIE CRAP BUT YOU KNOW HE'S JUST GOING TO ROLL OVER YOU AND RAID YOUR FRIDGE BECAUSE HE'S SUCH CHODE!

ALL OF BUER'S MINIONS ARE SIMILARLY AWFUL, HERE IS HOW TO MAKE A BUER MINION! IF YOU WANT TO BE ESPECIALLY SHITTY USE THIS WITH MY FAMILIAR GENERATOR.

D4	TERRIBLE APPEARANCE
1	SKELETAL- COUNTS AS UNDEAD OR SOME FUCKERY
2	FLESHY- FUCK WHY IS IT SO CLAMMY?
3	DISEASED- INFLICTS RANDOM ILLNESS I GUESS?!
4	DEMONIC- HELLFIRE AND CHAINS AND SHIT

D6	NUMBER OF HIDEOUS LIMBS/SPOKES ALSO HD
1	1, OR IF YOU FEEL CRUEL 0 BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT?!
2	2
3	3
4	4
5	5
6	6- EXPLODES IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT

D8	HIDEOUS LIMB TYPE
1	PAWS -FOR CLAWING
2	HOOVES -FOR KICKING
3	TALONS - FOR RAKING
4	TENTACLES -FOR FONDLING GRAPPLING
5	APE HANDS - OH FUCK OPPOSABLE THUMBS
6	ELEPHANTINE -FOR STOMPING AND TRAMPLING
7	INSECTILE- FUCKER CAN CLIMB UP WALLS
8	PINCERS- GODDAMN PINCHY CRAB HANDS

WHAT THE FUCK EVEN?!

D10	GROSS HEAD
1	HORSE - TWICE AS FAST
2	GOAT - CAN EAT ANYTHING
3	LION - CLOSER TO BUER +2 HD
4	WOLF - COMES IN PACKS
5	MAN-APE - KNOWS A DAMNING SECRET OF A PARTY MEMBER
6	DRAGON - FIRE  BREATH
7	EAGLE - DEAFENING SCREECH
8	SPIDER - SPITS WEBS
9	ELEPHANT - GRAPPLING TRUNK
10	SHARK - EXTRA BITE ATTACK

I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANY LONGER

D%	SHITTY MANE
1	RATTY LION'S MANE
2	CROWN OF THORNS
3	FLAILING CUTTLEFISH TENTACLES
4	CARAPACE SPACE HELMET
5	VENUS FLYTRAP
6	A BUNCH OF FINGERS
7	CIRCLE OF WOLF HEADS LIKE THAT SCYLLA FREAKSHOW
8	SNAKE ORGY
9	TONGUES
10	BALD

NO! BAD SICILY!

D12	WEIRD FUCKEN EYES
1	SQUINTY- CAN SEE IN DARKNESS
2	THREE FUCKEN EYES ONE SHOOTS LASERS
3	GOAT- FUCK WHY IS IT SO AWFUL? CAUSES FEAR OR SOMETHING
4	BLOODSHOT- SLEEP? THIS THING DOESN'T SLEEP
5	MANTIS SHRIMP - SO MANY COLORS, ALSO SEES INVISIBLE SHIT
6	SPIDER- 8 OF THEM! REALLY GOOD AT DETECTING MOTION
7	CHAMELEON- ONE ON FRONT ONE ON BACK, 360 GODDAMN
8	SNAIL EYES- CAN LOOK AROUND CORNERS
9	HAGFISH-WELL KINDA EYES, FUCK IF I KNOW
10	SNAKE- ACTUALLY MEDUSA, HAHA WELCOME TO STONEVILLE
11	HUMAN EYES- YOUR EX'S EYES
12	NO EYES- IT'S A BLIND FUCKEN WHEEL HOW'D IT LEARN TO DRIVE?!

Tall Mouther from the Forgotten Realms, best to be Forgotten

D20	AWFUL ATTRIBUTE
1	ALWAYS SCREAMING
2	ALWAYS WANTS TO TALK ABOUT MEANINGLESS HORSESHIT
3	BUER DOOR-TO-DOOR EVANGELICAL
4	SMELLS LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL BOY'S LOCKER ROOM
5	HIPSTER LEVEL SMUG, WON'T SAY WHAT THEY ARE SMUG ABOUT
6	CHEWS GUM WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN, DISGUSTING
7	SAYS, "NOT TO BE RACIST/SEXIST BUT..."
8	WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT SEXUAL "CONQUESTS"
9	IS YOUR COMPLETE POLITICAL OPPOSITE
10	TOTAL EDGELORD
11	INAPPROPRIATE SENSE OF HUMOR, TERRIBLE LAUGH
12	END EVERYTHING WITH AN ELLIPSIS...
13	ASKS QUESTIONS THEY KNOW ALREADY AND CAN SAY, "UM ACTUALLY"
14	WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR LATEST "CLEANSE" DIET
15	CONSTANTLY APPLIES VASELINE TO LIPS
16	RePeAtS eVeRyThInG iN aNnOyInG vOiCe
17	CORRECTS EVERYONE'S GRAMMAR...INCORRECTLY!
18	PERSISTENTLY STARES AT THE ASS OF HIGHEST CHA PARTY MEMBER
19	TIME HAS FOUR SIDES!
20	FARTS CONSTANTLY, LAUGHS AT OWN FARTS

Steve Lichman says it best. 

IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY ROLL A DEMONIC 5 GOAT LEGGED LION WITH A RATTY LION'S MANE, SQUINTY EYES, AND ALWAYS WANTS TO TALK ABOUT MEANINGLESS HORSESHIT THEN YOU JUST ENCOUNTERED BUER HIS OWN GODDAMN SELF, GOOD LUCK ASSHOLE!

NOTES
YOU WANT MECHANICS? FUCK THAT NOISE! ROLL AND MAKE UP YOUR FATE YOUR OWN DAMN SELF! I'VE SPENT ENOUGH TIME ALREADY ON THIS INFERNAL ACCIDENT!

BONUS SHITTY GRIFFON TABLE! 

ROLL ON EACH TABLE, COMBINE, MOURN, REPEAT

D10	SHITTY BODY
1	RACCOON
2	OPOSSUM
3	FOX
4	RAT
5	COYOTE
6	BOAR
7	CANE TOAD
8	SPHINX
9	KANGAROO
10	HONEY BADGER

D%	SHITTY HEAD AND WINGS
1	SEAGULL
2	CROW
3	OSPREY
4	CANADIAN GOOSE
5	PIGEON
6	CHICKEN
7	VULTURE
8	PELICAN
9	TURKEY
10	SHOEBILL